Z

Zeal: The true, pure positive attitude of a properly motivated Qrusader.  The opposite of FEBA.

Y

Yankeetyne:  the sprawling X-urb south of Charlotte that is sometimes referred to as Ballentyne.  Yankees, moving to Charlotte and knowing no better, are conned into moving their by Realtors who take them there on a Saturday so they do not know that  it is bumper to bumper the whole way into town during the week--hence, it is full of darn Yankees.

Young Lust:  The low wall at the AG front gate--suitable for Legoramas and such.

X

W

WalterStack:  an old Qrusader, or a poorly planned triathlon in San Francisco.

WarBaby:  youngest Posting Qrusader that day.

WarDaddy:  oldest Posting Qrusader that day.

Weinke:  a Workout In A Bag.  Inspired by the giant wristband of plays Chris Weinke had to wear because he couldn't even keep a quarterback sneak straight in his head.

WiskeyDicking:  execution without zeal; going through the motions.

Workout Cardigan:  any old-mannish and inappropriate work-out gear.  E.g., everything Dr. JellyFinger wears.

Workout In A Bag:  a list of exercises the QIC puts in a plastic bag for reference during the workout.

V

Vaginitis:  acting in a manner that betrays a certain lack of masculine zeal.

U

Un-ass:  depart.

T

TBQ:  Total Bowel Quiver--working out so hard you kinda lose . . .well, you get the picture.


Thang: the workout.  What was done that day.

Tomatoes in the Sun:  Women working out in a Qrusader AO.

Top O' The Pond: Princeton Road entrance to Freedom Park (aka The Campos); gathering place for the Friday StrengthPack when MudX is not in season; prime Silence of the Silence hunting ground for potential abductees and Dutch Oven victims.


Train:  the old abandoned train CNC inexplicably left on the Campos, but which is now a good place to meet.  Off limits to climb upon, the Faithful often nonetheless do.


TripleClaps:  three short explosive claps, executed in sincere admiration for someone or something.

TrophyCircle:  bus parking lot at Selwyn Elementary in CNC.

Trusted Friend  ©: an obese guy who is friendly, non-judgmental and tends towards compromise in order to keep being put into an Emotional Headlock.

S

Senator Ramos' Office:  the loading dock and dumpster-park behind Selwyn Elementary in CNC.  Inspired by the Selwyn janitor Hector Ramos (not actually a Senator--more of an honorarium Brothers).

Senator Tressel-style:   Anything jacked up in Ohio State fashion.  Inspiration:  Coach Tressel's sweater vests.  C'mon coach, that's not right.  Seriously, no sweater vests.

Shart:  trying to break wind mid-workout and finding the result mixed with a little of the real thing.  Messy.

SheHateMe:  From the Swirling Snakes Between the Ears of Hitman comes SheHateMe, inspired by the Hungarian Pain Queen Zoosana.  This is how it works:  10 Lunges (20 movements)/10 Burps (Burpees without the pushup and the standing)/10 Pushups, no rest, as many sets as you can. 


 ShovelFlag:  Old Glory on top of a long-shaft shovel.  Each Qrusade owns one and pounds it into the ground so that the Faithful can gather around it.

Six:  your ass or the back of the line or the position at the end.

Six Minutes of Mary:  an abdominal routine of no specific composition as long as it promotes TBQ.  Inspired by psycho-killer with the 7 minute ab workout in Something About Mary.


SmokeBoots:  That which a  Qrusader straps on when he runs the Faithful into the dirt.

SpreadSheeting: working, particularly on dumb stuff that somebody up the food-chain has demanded.

Sugar Ray: Qrusader tending toward the ectomorphic body type; naturally wary of kettlebells and excessive workout gear (antonym: Butterbean).



Supines:  a sit-up executed from flat on your back until touching your toes.

Strings of Fire:  a routine:  three exercises done to a four-count set of six without rest followed by a hundred yard dash.

Sweepertee:  a musical recommendation from SweeperBoy, who guarantees you will like it or he'll buy it from you.

SweetSix:  a six mile (or so) run of the GONADS.  A Must.

Swingset Orangutans:  An exercise:  jump up and grab the top of the swingset going sideways and walk your walk hand over hand to the other end.

SwirlingSnakes:  the brain of the average Qrusader.

R

Randorama:  a series of completely unrelated and seemingly disjointed exercises done at an exhaustively rapid pace.


Recylced Merlot: A boot. Losing your chunks mid-workout and splashing the vino you drank last night all over the field.

REMF:  a Qrusader who doesn't Post, who sits around talking about Posting, but does not follow through.

RitchieRun: Sunday AM long run, done at a Long Slow Distance pace (thus, "Easy Like Sunday Mornin'").  Formerly known as LSD.

RobertPlants:  running up the stairway of the same name--it's by the Garfunkel at Selwyn.

Rock of Ages:  The big rock on the Campos over which the Faithful climb, usually in preparation for the Mud Run.

Rottweiler-Head:  a man with an abnormally large  noggin.

Q

QAG:  Qrusade/AG.


QIC:  the Qrusader In Charge of the workout.


Qrusade:  men's workout group that  meets on Saturdays from 0650 to 0800.

P

Panhandle Daisy:  Any weed commonly found in the Redneck Riviera.  Also, something a Bowden (any Bowden) would pin on his jacket to try to impress the ladies.

PAX:  people.

Pelosi-frisco:  San Francisco, CA.

People's Chair: Sitting against a wall with knees bent at a 90-degree angle for a period of time TBD by the workout leader.  Best enjoyed in Senator Ramos's Office.

Plankorama:  a routine:  any kind of plank strung together until TBQ.


Post:  to show up, physically or virtually (e.g., by e-mail).

Prius:  any hybrid vehicle, low-flush toilet or other tree-hugging idea that does not actually work but gives the user a sense of moral superiority over the non-user.

Pullerama:  an pull-up routine of no specific composition.

Pusherama:  a chest routine of no specific composition, done to TBQ.

O

Ollie Norths:  f/k/a, First Responders.  Heaving a man over your back to carry him from the battlefield.  Then carry him for a while.


Otis Bomb:  the act of farting in an elevator after being the last one to exit. leaving the awful odor for the next person to suffer through.


Owl Bars:  The pullup bars installed on the Campos through the political intercession of Mighty Mighty Owl Bait.  

N

NakedMan Moleskin:  an e-journal, or post of crazy happenings during a workout.  Named after Mark Lauren and the notebook that The Apostle  writes profound stuff down in.  Sometimes takes on a personified existence as in "the NakedMan Moleskin was bemused."

Numistic Spirit Guide: A non-Qrusader, often of non-Caucasian ethnicity, who appears out of the gloom to offer wisdom or other sage guidance (or at least the appearance that he could provide such counsel if it were needed and if life were a Hollywood move).  Their service is often recognized with personalized awards, flowery proclamations and cash gifts.  Alternatively known as a Bagger Vance.


Nutless:  Those Pax who are not in fact male.

M

MackBrowner:  a workout that seems more like a football practice.


MansonLamps:  crazy looking eyes.


Maxi-Deuce:  The hologram download of  McDeuce.  His jump drive contains all the anger, spite and viciousness that McDeuce keeps suppressed.  Also, he's a trickster.

Mexi-X:  GX's disturbing Hispanic doppelganger.

MickeyMantleStretch:  an old-school stretching routine you'd think Mickey Mantle might  have done with Whitey Ford in spring training in say, 1957.

MojoWire: an e-mail trail.

MonkeyFeet:  Five Finger Vibrams.

Mordor:  Europe.  See  LOR.

Must:  something that really ought to be done.  Inspired by REM song Voice of Harold.


Mustang:  Myers Park High School's football field in CNC.

L

Ladi-X:  a disturbing chick doppelganger of GX.

Larry Bird: Any man who completes a full Jacob's Ladder prior to the QIC's completion of same.

Larry Drew: Any man who fails to complete a full Jacob's Ladder--i.e., he quits first.

Legorama:  a leg routine of unspecified composition.

LeggyKid:  a short, fat, and generally bald middle-aged guy, the typical Qrusader.

LIFO:  a Qrusader who Posts last and Un-asses first.


Loddy-Doddy-Everybody:  Every single dude.

LOR:  An allusion to Lord of the Rings.

Lurker:  quarter-mile stretch of steep road leading up from the Campos that the Faithful always know is lurking.

K

Kotters:  greetings to a Qrusader who Posts after an excused absence (Epstien's Mother).  Inspired by 70s sitcom Welcome Back Kotter.

J

Jacob's Ladder  Seven times up the hill, with an increasing number of burpees at the top each trip up.

Jagermeister:  The term Jägermeister was introduced in Germany in 1934 in the newReichsjagdgesetz (Reich hunting law). The term was applied to senior foresters and gamekeepers in the German civil service.

Justifier:  The male reproductive organ.

I

Idiot Stick  A long gun, usually a rifle.

H

Hamburger Hill:  The Selwyn Hill next to Ramos' Office up which the Faithful run the Jacob's Ladder.  It's a geographical bump of pain.


HardDick and Bubblegum:  The will to physically and mentally persevere through hardship.

Hashtag Whatever  Twitter shortcut and grouping device for a line of palaver.  E.g., "hashtag jealousy, where'd you get those five-finger vibrams?"

High Functioning Hybrid (HFH): Mesomorphic Qrusader who splits the difference between Sugar Ray and Butterbean.


Horseshoes:  On the track, a 300 yard sprint in a mosey sandwich.

G

G2:  information.


Gamucci:  a shadowy workout group loosely affiliated with the Qrusade.

Garfunkel:  Bridge between the BackForty and RobertPlant--troubled water Brothers, troubled waters.


Gloom:  the murky pre-dawn atmosphere in which the Faithful gather around the ShovelFlag.  Also, the O-2 the Faithful suck in during the workout.

GoldenMcNuts:  large testicles.

GONADS:  Gathering Of North American Distance Sprinters--a shadowy running group loosely affiliated with the Qrusade.


Gorwin  Eponymous thang outside of us in which belief is placed.  God + Darwin = Gorwin.

F

Faithful:  those that Post for a workout.


FartBoarding:  torture without real Zeal.

FartSack:  bed.


FEBA:  False Enthusiasm and Bullshit Attitude.  Fake zeal.

Fern:  A gym (with the exception of Anthony's gym and the Grinder gym).

FNG:  a gentleman enjoying his first Post.

FreedomBird:  an airplane.


Freedom Park  Park where Qrusade/Campos meets.

E

Emotional Crickets:  silence.


Emotional Fungos:  Being a good (maybe a little better than good) husband.  A Must for a Brosious.

Emotional Headlock  Pulling a guy into the Qrusade by appealing to his need.  Or, Zoot-style, by telling him he can't come out.

Emotional Kiosk:  An announcement of note to the Qrusade Nation.

Emotional LarryDrew:  quitting instead of seeing difficult through.

Emotional Shart;  Trying to sneak something out, screwing it and creating a dang mess.  See Shart.

EndZone:  Rubbery hardball area in one end zone of the AG track--good place for the McDeuce.

Epstiein's Mother:  a half-assed excuse not to Post, delivered prior to the workout so nobody can claim you made it up.  Inspired by the excuse notes Juan Epstein drafted for himself, but ignorantly signed "Epstein's Mother".

E-Spackler:  a worthless compliment or piece of information.  Inspired by the Dali Lama's tip to Carl Spackler in Caddyshack.

Excuse Bag:  That nasty emotional bag of reasons a man uses to excuse his failure to post.

D

D1:  a guy who played a Division I college sport--even including soccer.

Dead Dinosaur;  Gasoline.


Dirty McDeuce:  a routine--4 sets of three exercises done to 12 repetitions at a four-count, with 12 seconds fo rest  in between each set.  Each set consists of a chest/ab/core.


Dr. JellyFinger:  Affirmation Jones' internist.  The unfriendliest doctor on CNC.


Dog  hands and knees.  As in "pick up the Dog".

Dog on the Hill:  The depressed state of mind GX gets into when he thinks the Qrusade is working too well--often leads to the appointment of a Council of Seven, that then does not meet to discuss the problem.

DoubleApplesauce:  a two-column Indian run.

Down Painment:   paying the physical price to look nice with a hard daily workout.

Dutch Oven:  a real or Emotional fart-trap used as a non-prosecutable and low-grade torture device.  See also: FartBoarding.

C

Cackalackia:  North Carolina.


Campos  Freedom Park.  Where it all started.  Aye.

Chillcotts:  workout gear that is excessively TarHeel themed.

Chuck:  any fun fact about Chuck Norris, the toughest man ever and an honorary Qrusader.

Ciabatta: Properly known as Tabata.  A four-minute exercise that involves 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of of rest repeated 8 times.  Properly done, all but guaranteed to induce TBQ.

Circle of Pain:  a circle formed by Qrusaders to workout in.

Clubhouse:  Nix Restaurant in CNC--where Qrusaders in CNC meet to nosh and nash.

CNC:  Charlotte, North Carolina.  The shining city on the hill Brothers.

Cobains:  All Apologies.

Coffeeteria:  where Qrusaders go to drink coffee and mock each other after the workout.

C2C:  Corner to Corner, running short fast distances to a corner or designated spot, where the faster runners pick up a plank to wait for the slower runners.

B

BackBlast   a writeup of what happened on a workout.

BackForty:  empty field at Selwyn that borders Runnymede.

Ball of Man:  A gaggle of men standing tightly together.

BAML:  Bank of America.

Bureaucorama:  An annoying, mind-numbing and ultimately pointless conversation with a government employee (see TSA Standard Operating Procedures).

Bent Jacob:  Any deviation from a straight Jacob's Ladder.

BigBang:  first day of a Qrusade.

Blockorama:  A routine done with concrete blocks.  Invented by some ancient Greek probably, but popularized Tango Delta.

Brickyard:   portico in front of the AG track with the sponsor-name-bricks set into the concrete.

Brosious:  Any Qrusader who has married way better than he deserves.  Inspiration:  Scott Brosious' World Series MVP after a career as a journeyman infielder.

BRR:  The Blue Ridge Relay.

Buggy Whip Salesman;  the Selwyn Librarian.  In the days of Google and the Kindle, being a librarian is like trying to sell buggy whips after H. Ford rolled out the Model T.

Butterbean: Qrusader tending toward the endomorphic body type; naturally wary of running (antonym: Sugar Ray).

A

AlteredStates:  as in running AlteredStates style.  A goofy, loping style reminiscent of William Hurt in the 80's sci-fi flick:  Altered States.


Alpharetta TimeWarp: a weekend with the in-laws.

AngrusSix:  the celebration of the man who comes in second on any run to Angrus--the greatest runner any of us has ever known personally.


AM:  morning.

AO:  Area of Operations.


Apocolypto   a winding and gloomy trail through the woods through which to run at an ankle-breaker pace.

Ark Loader:  a routine;  a series of sprints utilizing the animal exercises we hate so well:  e.g., the Froggy, the Crabbie, the Bear Crawl . . .

Avec Gants:  Frog for "with gloves"; meant sarcastically when a Qrusader is wearing Isotoners and it's freaking 50 degrees in the Gloom.